SACRAMENTO, CA - At San Diego State, where my son and daughter earned their degrees, Monty Montezuma will no longer be running along the sidelines leading the cheers. Some Native American students complained that the mascot offended them. So, in classic style, the administration caved, though they did keep the team name of Aztecs, which the Offended Minority also wanted to ban.

This type of politically correct drama has played out at other schools, with St. John’s dropping Redmen in favor of the “Red Storm,” a pretty stupid name given that storms are rather vague in color. Stanford dropped Indians in favor of the Cardinal, and so on.

The process recalls minority rule in South Africa under apartheid.

Regardless of the will of the majority, if accredited victim groups are offended, that is enough to demolish traditional names and customs. It’s all wrong, of course. Being offended is part of life in a free society. But it might be worthwhile to explore the possibilities of extending the name-changing process beyond the campus.

The United Nations has offended many by booting the United States out of its human rights group while installing Libya and Sudan, a state that actually promotes slavery. The UN action should, but won’t, prompt American withdrawal. Changing the name to International Welfare, Inc., Bureaucrats R Us, or Global Wind Tunnel would certainly clarify the issues. Secretary General would be dropped in favor of Powerless Figurehead, Big Brother, or World Boss Hog.

The United States Department of Education, which we had done very well without for two centuries, was created by Jimmy Carter as a payoff to the National Education Association, which became the first union to have its own federal agency. Since its creation, education has become a national disaster. This offends many, particularly the parents whose children are irreparably damaged by the politically correct junkthought foisted on them in government schools. Renaming it the US Unnecessary Department or Department of Teacher Unions would put things in perspective.

Many are also offended by the tendency of federal agencies to use the word “service” in their title. As millions know full well, service is a poor term for what the IRS does, which is to run roughshod over taxpayers, discarding the presumption of innocence. Department of Confiscation would work better.

It is now possible to drive anywhere in the country faster than a first-class letter can be delivered. This lethargy is offensive. The US Postal Service should, therefore, be replaced by Snail Mail, already what everybody calls it.

Lieutenant Governor, a rather useless position that some states avoid entirely, could be Sub-Gov or maybe Number-Two Person. The California Coastal Commission, whose shakedown operations, besides being illegal, offend many, could be reborn as the Corrupt Commission or, with similar accuracy, the Bureau of Making it Impossible for Californians to Live Near the Coast.

The possibilities are endless and are already practiced by the Native Americans. At a 1994 PRI conference on school choice, Ben Chavis, an Alumbi Indian, said his people refer to the Bureau of Indian Affairs, the BIA, as the Bureau of Ignorance and Apathy. All that remains is to make it official.

Meanwhile, the Washington Bullets became the Washington Wizards, but if they really wanted to clean up their image they should have just dropped “Washington.”

- K. Lloyd Billingsley